Kenidi has been exceptionally clingy in the past week - more so the past couple of nights. I'm convinced that she senses his arrival is very near. Brent commented last night on how she had fallen asleep with her arm around my big ol' pregnant belly and her face tucked snugly right into my chest. She was belly to belly with me and I couldn't bare to move for the longest time. I didn't want to alter her position. I've always said that she is my "cuddle bug" - sometimes we say "snuggle bug." She knows it too. Kenidi is definitely our affectionate child - to the extreme. She gives hugs and kisses throughout any given day as if she was getting paid for them. It melts my heart in ways I can't even begin to describe. Since being pregnant and growing this huge belly of mine, she will kiss my belly a 1000 times a day and say the babies name as she pats me there. (Yes, we chose a name that she can say easily) It is the cutest thing ever. Little does she know just how much her world is about to get rocked once this baby arrives.
I got all emotional the other day thinking about how hard Brennen took "her" arrival when we had her. He had been our universe for 4.5 straight years. When Kenidi came into this world, it rocked Brennen to the core and he went into a withdrawn spell for a couple of weeks following her birth. He eventually snapped out of it and fell in love with his little sister but it left me broken hearted initially. He didn't take her permanent placement in our family well at all in those first few days. We worry with Kenidi even more. Given her special needs issues, we can't talk with her about her feelings the way we did with Brennen. She will only see this new baby getting all the attention and become frustrated at the thought that she is lacking some of it now. I plan to work really hard on making her feel just as included and loved as ever. In my heart of hearts though, I know that there is no way to protect her little feelings completely. She is my baby girl. Always will be. Even though she is 7, she functions more like a three or four year old verbally. Therefore, Brent and I always have a hard time remembering that she really is seven years old. She still seems like our baby girl even with her growth and beautiful accomplishments as she ages. The picture above is one I took of her last Fall when we still lived in Indiana. It's amazing just how much she has changed in that short years time. It's proof that they grow so very quickly. This new baby will do the same. The time will fly by just as it has with Brennen and Kenidi.
My heart is aching for the effect this new little one will have on Kenidi but then again, I know God had a plan when it came to the creation of this baby. Baby Seaman #3 is coming for a reason. His entrance in our lives is something God feels we need and is purposeful. I trust the good Lord above completely and know without a shadow of a doubt that he'll help us conquer this new journey and the transition with Kenidi and her new baby brother just perfectly. I'm not naive to think that the first month or two isn't going to be tough. However, I'm convinced, like Brennen - she will love her baby brother with time and eventually not be able to imagine her life without him.
In the meantime, as we relish these last four nights together as a family of four, I intend to squeeze her tight and take advantage of the love she gives unconditionally. As I type, she is fresh out of the bath, smelling like a new baby herself with a hint of coconut scent to her. (her shampoo) She is huddled up next to me, on my right arm, yawning as she watches Edward and Bella in Twilight on our master bedroom TV for the 600th time. Kenidi enjoys repetition. She thrives off routines. Cuddling with her mama is part of her nightly routine and I will soak that up for as long as I possibly can. In a few short days, she'll be snuggled up next to me as I nurse her new baby brother. I'm looking forward to those new connections amongst the two of them as well as with Brennen and his baby brother to be. That boy is pinging off the walls with excitement. He cannot wait for this new little ones arrival. I'm eager to see their expressions the first time that Brennen and Kenidi meet him. Be still my beating heart...
Thank you God for this unexpected blessing we learned about 9 months ago. Thank you for the beautiful daughter you gave us 7.5 years ago. And thank you for the handsome son you gave us almost 12 years ago. I'm so proud that you chose me to be their mother. Thank you for your continued gifts in life Lord. You take such good care of us all. I know you are watching over this baby as he spends his last few nights in this tummy of mine. I know you will work your magic thru the hands of the doctors in the operating room come Thursday morning. I know you will protect our 2nd sons arrival and bring him into this world happy and healthy. I know that you will give me the calm, the peace, and the strength to endure this surgery and the recovery that comes along with it. Bottom line, I'm confident that you are here. Here with us. Here helping us prepare for the journey that we are about to embark upon. Chapter 3, 524 is about to begin and I can't possibly imagine how we'd write that chapter in our book without you Lord. We owe all of the glory and all of the thanks to you.
Ever have those moments when you are trucking along thru life's pathways - thinking that you know where your next step will lead you? Ever have those moments where life looks as though it is leading you one way but then God intervenes and sends you down a totally unexpected path? You know...the path that looked narrow but straight has now become cock-eyed and blurry...
Well...that is my life - our life - right now. Just when I think I've got things figured out in this world and truly have a plan of attack, God throws me a "Surprise, Angie!" message that completely changed that course of direction in which I was headed. It's definitely not a bad surprise. It's definitely not bad news. It's just very, very, very unexpected news. I am a creature of habit, organization, and planning. Therefore, when something jumps in my path that throws me for a complete whirlwind and proves to me yet again that I AM NOT IN CONTROL, I have to chuckle and say..."OK God...I give. You got this! I don't! I get it now. My life is your life. And my plans are not your plans. I'm reminded that my surprises are definitely no surprise to you. YOU ARE IN CONTROL - not me!"
News like the news I got this week is rare. For some, it is news they will never know. It is because of that rareness that I'm adjusting, soaking it in, and embracing what is ahead. I'm thanking God for his unexpected surprises, feeling grateful for my lack of control in this matter although stunned by it, and am also truly questioning Gods sense of humor at this point. ;) I hope he is having fun with this because he's left me sitting in wonderment with this one. So...join me while I put one foot in front of the other and tackle my next roller coaster in this thing called life. I cannot wait to see and share what blessings come out of this one. Now that it is here, I'm praying for nothing but a positive road ahead. God is clearly in control. What will be - will be. God is good!
In him, Angie
PS...Pardon my absence lately as I'm still picking my jaw up off the floor. :)
How anyone can assume that the sun just 'automatically' knows when to rise and when to set boggles my mind.
How anyone can assume that the sea just 'automatically' knows where to start and where to end baffles me.
And for those who have yet to to believe that there is a God - even after witnessing an extraordinary site such as a simple but yet stunning sunset like this - leaves me speechless - and wanting to share my faith even that much more - every second of every day. It leaves me yearning to share how much God has done in my life and how much he has done for those around me. It leaves me wanting to plant that many more seeds whenever and wherever I can. It leaves me wanting to be more Christlike in all that I do. In every breath that I take.
I sat on this sunset cruise last weekend just in awe of God's miraculous gifts to us. Some of you even saw me facebook about it and twitter my thoughts during the actual event. I've seen sunsets before but this particular one left me with a feeling of wanting to help change the world. Wanting to take on the world more less. It left me with the notion that I haven't even begun to scratch the surface of doing enough while on this earth. I walked away with a new sense of inspiration and an even deeper love for the Lord. I'll be 34 years old in a month and a half and feel as though I need to get busy. Busy being the change I wish to see in the world. I climbed off that boat last Friday evening and felt refreshed, renewed, rejuvenated, and restored. But on the other hand, I realized I had a long way to go before ever becoming minutely close to fulfilling God's plan for my life. It's time to get moving and kick it into high gear. I'm ready for him to use me in all the ways he feels necessary.
It's amazing what a little BIG sunset will do for your life goals and for your soul in general. God has magnificent ways of speaking to our heart if we are willing to stop and listen. I know I've been guilty of not slowing down enough to listen in the past year especially. How bout' you guys? Are you listening? To learn the answer to that question, pull up a lawn chair in front of the next sunset. That big round ball of luscious golden glory isn't just there rising and setting for us to ignore. The sun has a purpose. We have a purpose. The question is...what will we do with that purpose while blessed with our time here on this earth? Celebrating the simple yet intensely significant things in life today....
In his grip, Angie
PS...To see fingerprint Friday entries as well as iphoto Friday images, go HERE and HERE! Two wonderful blog friends with two great photo posts each Friday.
We put our ol' Apple TV to good use last weekend and purchased the movie Fireproof. I had heard the hoop-lah about it but Brent and I hadn't had the chance to see it as of yet. It was great to finally sit down and watch it together. Brennen even got in on the fun and joined us as well. I found several "teaching moments" with him throughout the show that left an open door to discuss "grown up" topics with him. Things that I felt like he should know as a young man and how those things would pertain to his future. One of those teaching moments was this segment I've included below. Make sure to turn off my blog music first before pushing play on this video.
This is such an ah-ha moment for anyone struggling in life. Not just in their marriage but in everyday life. How can we continue to spit in God's face day in and day out but yet wonder in the next breath, why our life has gone to such hell in a handbasket? We are all guilty of it. We've all been there. I don't want to roll out my blinged out zebra print pulpit (as I would envision it would be if I was ever a pastor) Ha ha - and lay down my prechings for the day. I am a sinner like the rest of the world. However, I've come to realize that I cannot get through life without my super, awesome, big, big God. Mine and Brent's marriage alone has had a couple of turbulent times in its 15 years. Marriage is never easy - ever. I don't care who you are. Marriage takes work. Hard - never ending - undying WORK! As young girls wishing for the moment of our lives when we finally make that walk down the aisle hand in hand with our handsome young prince, no one ever sits us down and says...Marriage will be hell at times. Marriage will suck at times. There will be times when you will want to give up. There will be times when you will detest and literally hate one another. There will be times when you will plot to smother him in his sleep with your own pillow when he leaves the toilet paper empty on the holder (remember that? If you are a long time blog follower you will.), etc. etc. etc. No one tells us that marriage will be the hardest job in our lives and that we will have to fight and fight some more with every second of every day to keep that marriage well, attended to, comfortable, safe, and so on. We just marry and have the false belief that life will be our fairy tale from there on out.
Thankfully, my & Brent's marriage has always had God in it. At certain times, God has been way more prominent in our marriage. Other times, he hasn't. It is in those moments when we failed to make God a priority that our marriage ultimately paid the price. As we look back in hindsight, we can see a pattern. No God = turbulence in the marriage. As we have grown older, we realize that a marriage takes three. Brent, me, and God. It's not a 2 person partnership, it is a three person team.
So...on top of having teaching moments with Brennen during this movie, and loving that fact that I was watching Kirk Cameron on TV again just as I did back in the day when I was a young girl watching "Growing pains" I also found myself enjoying the fact that I was watching the movie with my best friend, my partner in crime, the love of my life, my air. We watched the movie side by side, gripping one anothers hands, just like young school kids in a theater all over again. After watching the show, I took a huge breath of fresh air and found myself once again thanking God for the husband that emails me emails from his office during the day just like he had a few days ago. It had words that read "Thank you for being my ROCK and keeping our life together. I would not live with out you! You mean something to me I can’t explain…Thank you." I found myself thanking God for the husband that does simple but oh so powerful things like he did this week when buying my favorite sugar cookies from the bakery at the grocery store and then leaving them on the kitchen counter for me to find the next morning - along with valentine heart candies that he had removed from the box and spelled out the words "I love you" with. I found myself thanking God for the husband that works his tail off day in and day out to provide for our family in the way in which he does. In the end, I was plain and simply put...just thanking God and just being thankful all the way around.
Although we couldn't totally relate to the storyline in the Fireproof movie because we had never been up against those type topics, the movie did make me grateful for those couple of turbulence in our marriage that ultimately helped propel us to today. We'll celebrate our 15 year anniversary on March 5th and as Brent always says..."That is world record time now days baby." Without those turbulence in our past, we wouldn't be where we are today. Without those turbulence, we wouldn't have been brought to our knees by God and taught to rely on him. If we hadn't reached out for God during those dark moments when on our knees, we probably wouldn't still be married today.
So, although the plot line of the movie differed substantially from topics that our own marriage had been through, we could definitely relate to the times when we had basically spit in God's face but yet sat wondering why our lives were in shambles. My friends and family will tell you that I like to call it "Gods baseball bat to the knees theory." Keep ignoring him - keep shunning him while thinking you don't need him (God), keep being embarrassed of him, etc. and then eventually...our big mighty and oh so powerful God will whip out a baseball bat and swing it just low enough to hit your legs in just the right way that it will knock them out from underneath you and bring you to your knees. Thus, bringing you closer to him. No, I do not believe for one second that God punishes us for our sins. However, I do believe that he will present us with consequences in some way, shape, or form for the dumb choices we make in life. Those consequences are teaching moments that he intends for us to learn from, give glory to him because of, and soften your heart while doing so. In return, you learn that you can't make it thru life without him. And we can't!
So watch Fireproof - with or without your spouse. Preferably with your significant other though. Either way, just watch it. It's a great movie - even though my man Kirk is a little rusty on the acting skills after being away from the camera all these years. :) We still love him though, don't we girls??? And in the meantime, I'm going to go put my blinged out zebra print pulpit back in storage for now and stop my preaching for the night. Thanks for coming to the service. Wink wink! ;)
We put our ol' Apple TV to good use last weekend and purchased the movie Fireproof. I had heard the hoop-lah about it but Brent and I hadn't had the chance to see it as of yet. It was great to finally sit down and watch it together. Brennen even got in on the fun and joined us as well. I found several "teaching moments" with him throughout the show that left an open door to discuss "grown up" topics with him. Things that I felt like he should know as a young man and how those things would pertain to his future. One of those teaching moments was this segment I've included below. Make sure to turn off my blog music first before pushing play on this video.
