Angelica Grace Designs Blog

Thursday, January 15, 2009

THE GREEN ARROW

Today started out as a crappy day. A really crappy day. Kenidi had a scheduled neurology appointment downtown at 9:30am. Late yesterday evening, Brennen's school did a mass voicemail to all parents alerting them that their school would have a two hour delay this morning due to weather. My immediate thought was - "Oh terrific, now Brennen will have to miss part of the day because he'll be forced to attend the neurology appt. with us now instead of being at school like he normally would've been." I couldn't leave him home alone to catch the bus by himself. And even if I could have, I wouldn't have. Brent had a very important meeting that had been previously planned and COULD NOT be rescheduled. Thus why he couldn't stay home and help get him on the bus. I didn't mind Brennen coming along, in fact it was good time together. However his school has such a strict policy this year regarding absences that it makes me cringe when the kids have to miss school - even a minute of school. This day however, was clearly already out of my control. God had other plans. As usual!

So...we hit the door running and ultimately discovered what we already knew. Indiana drivers treat snow like its the earth caving in. They literally creep along and act like they've never seen the white fluffy stuff before. Granted, we all know I have a lead foot. However, I'm still cautious. I'm cautious at a normal rate of speed. These people afraid of the snow though, they drive me bonkers! Really...people...we've lived here forever. This is about the 1 millionth time you've had to drive in it. You should be plenty used to a car and how it handles on snow by this point. Either way, I found myself nagging inside my head and griping about how I was going to be made late to the doctor appt. if these pokers didn't pick up the pace. At one point, I looked down and saw that my car dash read -9. Yes Internet, -9. It eventually came down to -8 and held there so I snapped a picture with my Iphone of the moment. I don't remember ever seeing my vehicles read negative anything. This was a first for me. It's bitterly cold here in Indy and I can't remember feeling this chilly in a longggg time. Either way, I took the picture in an effort to show you guys. Why? I donno. Maybe cuz' I was being whiny and wanted to gripe some more. Yeah, that was it.

Fast forward a bit. Get to the parking garage at the hospital. Can't find a single parking spot in the whole entire 5 levels they have to offer. Every single spot is taken. We eventually end up on the roof top due to no other option. Walked two kids thru snow and ice while wearing heels on the exposed roof top to an elevator in -8 degree weather. No biggy. Just enough to make me catch myself griping some more. And trust me, I'm really negative and ticked off by this point. Bottom line, I'm no peach - lets just leave it at that. Far from it in fact. Fast forward a few more steps...God then grabs me by my shoulders, shakes me a bit, tells me to quit being the whiny, obnoxious little baby that I'm being, and to take a look around and find something to be thankful for RIGHT THIS MINUTE.

I step inside the hospital doors and have my ah ha moment for the day. Reality hits. I look around and look around some more. I've been to this hospital a hundred times over again since Kenidi's diagnosis. However, today was especially tough for me. There were tiny babies and children everywhere. Sick ones. Deathly ill children. Some dying of cancer. Some with multiple tubes and machines running out of their noses, out of their stomachs or abdomen area, etc. Some were lethargic and not even alert. Parents pushing wheel chairs or pulling them in hospital wagons. A few were behind walkers, barely getting to their destination. Each room I passed had a story. The lab had sounds of crying babies and kids as we passed it. They were there for more blood work-more tests-no doubt. This was life for them as they knew it. I.felt.ashamed.

I was ashamed of myself for allowing the enemy to convince me that my day sucked thus far. I was ashamed that I allowed Satan to take such control over my life in the hours leading up to my walking thru that hospital door that for a split second, I thought I had it sssoooooooooooo bad! I was ashamed that I was too lazy to walk thru the cold with two kids without the griping transpiring in my head. I was ashamed that I rushed people along in my mind that I felt were driving too slow as I attempted to get to my destination. I did this in my healthy vehicle, with my healthy legs and healthy mind, with my 'almost' totally healthy children. Yes, Kenidi has a diagnosis. Two of them actually. Epilepsy and hypotonia. Therefore, she isn't as totally healthy as Brennen so to speak. However, we don't have life near as bad as some of those families who walk the halls of Riley hospital on a daily basis. I.was.ashamed.

God shook me and shook me good today. My shoulders and upper body are still rearing from the shaking I received this morning. When we left the appointment, it was a few minutes after 12 noon. We walked outside the elevator doors to the 6th floor rooftop of the parking garage and wouldn't you know it...the sun was shining. Yes, it was still -8 outside but the sun was shining Internet. I had a renewed attitude. God has a grand way of making that happen when he wants it to - and when we are willing to admit and take ownership for the fact that we are babies and should be ashamed of our pathetic cries due to how much we take life for granted. I was a big baby this morning. A 33 year old big baby. I cried over weather, I cried over too slow of drivers, I cried over the fact that I couldn't get a close parking spot in the garage and instead ended up outside on the rooftop, etc. I cried like a baby over things I could ultimately control with the help of a good attitude while hundreds of others cried inside a hospital over things they COULDN'T control. Cancer ridden children, babies with heart defects, children born without limbs who can't walk, trauma injuries that left their kids lifeless, and so on. Those are things worthy of crying and whining. Those are things that constitute the title of a "bad day."

So...it's 3:35pm on this Thursday afternoon and I have a different attitude than I did this morning. I'm ashamed that it took me having to feel "ashamed" in order to bring me to this 'ah ha' moment. Shame, shame, on me. I got over my bad self, got over my gripe with the snow and ice as well as the slow drivers, and now I'm home, relishing in my two "almost" perfectly healthy children.

The even more dramatic part to this attitude adjustment??...take a peek at the photo above one more time. When I got home and uploaded it to my computer, I discovered something odd but sooooooo God. Yes, it's a God thang'! The picture I took started out to be a negative prelude to the story about the numbers that read -8 on my dash. However, when I got home and uploaded the shot to my computer, that was the last thing I noticed in the image. What was the picture about now? Go ahead...take a look again. I NOW see an image caught in time that reflects the bright rays of the sun shining (which I never noticed until walking out on that roof top after our hospital appt.) as well as an image of my turn signal flashing left at just the right millisecond to make it look as though its pointing to the sun and its glory filled rays. If I didn't know better, I would've thought that the turn signal arrow was a photoshopped in arrow that was deliberately pointing to those rays. However, truth is, it wasn't photoshopped in. I look at that shot now and think..."look what you missed while griping about your silly woes this morning. You missed the gorgeous sunshine and all of its gorgeous-ness." This in turn, is typically something I never miss - the sun I mean. I always notice the sun. ALWAYS. Today I didn't though - until God shook me by my shoulders and told me to look around and find something to be thankful for RIGHT THIS MINUTE! Not only am I thankful for my two "almost" perfectly healthy children but I'm thankful for a God that keeps on loving me even in those moments when I neglect him and all his glory. I'm thankful for a God that continues to keep on taking me back after I slack off and don't give the relationship what I should. I'm thankful for a God that never turns to me and finally says..."We are so broke up Angie!"

We serve an awesome God. A big, big, God. Big enough to still put me over his knee and spank me when necessary. I've got the bruises to prove it. ;)

Have a great evening everyone. I know I will. And as I always say...Keep smiling and keep your face toward the sunshine. If you don't see any sunshine...make some!

Much love, Angie

Labels: , ,

16 Comments:

Blogger Vicki said...

Big Hugs Girlfriend... nothing likea reality check. Been there... Makes us grateful for what we have doesn't it.
Even when David was in the burn unit 5 years ago... I had my days of feeling pretty darn sorry for myself.. all it took was a quick look around to realize just how blessed we were. It was "just his leg" not his entire body or his face... he was going to be ok... some of the kids we met would never be the same again.
Hugs to you...
~Vicki
PS it is -3 here in Ct right now... with no releif in sight, but I found myself outside today with the ponies enjoying the cold and the snow coming down while I watched them munch on their hay... (pictures on the blog later tonight.)

1/15/2009 4:47 PM  
Blogger Alice said...

Great post. Thanks for keepin' it REAL. We all have those days but I hate to say I usually stay in my mood all day if it starts out that way. I usually don't get to the part about being ashamed until the next day or two. Something to think about!

1/15/2009 5:08 PM  
Anonymous The Bryant girls said...

Dear Angie,
Thank you for this! Boy do I need a shakin too! A really big one! I am so thankful that you post these things for us mommas to relate to!
We folks from the South think that 32 degrees is cold, I cannot imagine -8!!!!! The low in the morning is 12 and we are ready just to close shop! Brrrrrr!!!!!

We love you Mrs.Angie!!!

1/15/2009 5:11 PM  
Anonymous Robin Russell said...

See, Angie. THIS is why I love ya! THIS is why you inspire me. THIS is why I look forward to your words of wisdom! God is amazing, and he is using YOU to remind people. May He bless you and your family always. I do hope Kenidi's appointment went well. Have a wonderful night. Oh, and by the way, I feel your pain with the cold. We are getting down to 9 degrees this weekend. This is absolutelty frigid for us. It's been years since we've seen this cold of a temperature. Unlike you though, we are praying for some snow. We NEVER get any snow anymore!! Take care. Robin

1/15/2009 5:31 PM  
Anonymous mommy said...

Hey Little darlin, I know we just talked, but I have to say that I got that tee shirt too. When you called I had just got finished trying to console someone who was here with her husband from New York, waiting on a transplant, she just got told he is not going to make it. So now the kids are all at home in New York. They can't even get here because of bad weather and that plane crash.Basically, they will never get to see their father before he dies, so so sad. We all need a wake-up call now and then don't we. I am glad you are such a sweet and compassionate lady.xoxoxo

1/15/2009 5:50 PM  
Blogger The Schroeder's said...

This was absolutely beautiful! So right with everything you said...I really needed to hear this today too b/c of some things our family is going through and I do need to realize just how lucky we are...through everything I am constantly reminding myself to praise the Lord...even through the storm! :) Thank you so much for this awesome post!

1/15/2009 6:49 PM  
Blogger Kristin said...

Wonderful story and awesome picture. Thanks!

1/15/2009 6:49 PM  
Anonymous Debbie Kibby said...

Dear Angie , WOW , what a " MESSAGE " !!!! I started not to check your blog tonight as I am very tired from too having had what I thought was a " BAD DAY " but after reading this , I sit at our computer and like you feel soooooooooooooooo ashamed for some of my actions / reactions today to some issues that I encountered !!!

Just a little over a week ago we had to place our Mom in a nursing home in Birmingham , Alabama and I have " Power of attorney " along with my youngest brother and over the past two weeks my ear has had the phone " Stuck " to it day and night !!! And then today as I was trying to hurry /scurry to get out of the house to run errands and get my nails done , what happened ??? Your right , more important phone calls regarding my Mom and things that I had to do RIGHT then !!! Was I ever upset and mad that my schedule was again shot !!! And then the calls were handled and I was able to keep my appointment and get my errands run all before 5:00 PM here in Georgia . I felt real bad for how I had acted BUT not until I read your blog did it hit me , that the phone calls regarding my poor 83 year old Mom who is wheelchair bound and now in a nursing home and in very poor health was " FAR " more important than ANYTHING that I had to do today !!!!! I said ALL that to say " THANK YOU " for being so open and honest and sharing your heart with us and for helping me to STOP and ask God to forgive me for my " POOR ME ATTITUDE " that I had today and for me to pray for more patience and understanding as I care for my " PRECIOUS MOM " who has given her ALL for me during the time she was raising me for I KNOW that it is just but a short time and I won't have her here on this earth to care for and then will " I EVER MISS HER " , I can't even imagine !!!!

Thanks again for sharing your heart and " Opening My Eyes " to see what I was blinded to today !!!

In His Love and Mine ,

Debbie Kibby ( Bailee and Brooklyn's Mee Mee )

1/15/2009 9:39 PM  
Anonymous Jenny said...

Hey Ang,

I've had those exact same thoughts when I have had work appointments in that particular hosiptal. Feeling bad about one thing or another in my life that I feel like I had the right to gripe and complain about. One of those 'poor me' days. Upset I had to park on the roof. Upset it is cold or rainy outside. Mad about something that really doesn't matter. Then you walk into that hospital and see people who have a real right to complain and be gripey. But most of them don't. They are usually the most positive and happy. Happy for some random test result that brings good news. Happy for having a 'good' day without too many aches and pains. Happy they were able to sit up on their own. Happy for little baby steps that would normally frustrate everyone else. I always hug the kids extra hard when I get home from a visit there and say lots of extra prayers for how truly blessed I am. And then I beg for forgiveness for thinking so selfishly, or griping about silly things that do not matter in the big picture. So easy to get caught up in little details that do not truly matter. Then we get that reality check that we need every so often. Give the kids a hug and try to stay positive in this frigid cold weather we are having. It will go away soon! Lots of hugs!

1/15/2009 11:12 PM  
Blogger Missy said...

Angie,
Thank you for a powerful message in your story. Been there and done that and so grateful for what I do have. God blesses us over and over and over again. Learning to praise him in the bad times is HARD to do sometimes. It's so easy to be selfish as compared to selfless.

I recall being in a similar position. It's easy for me to get bogged down on a trip to Riley, too. My lungs (w/Cystic Fibrosis) don't like to hold out for long walks much anymore. So getting a spot out on the rooftop has happened to me and I have dreaded the hike to Brendon's appt. It never fails, I'll be panting on the elevator and in walks a severaly disfigured child with the glow of an angel. Yippers, I may be blue and hypoxic, but this child has suffered far greater than I and they are HAPPY and finding the JOY in today, you know? GEESH, MELISSA....PUT ON YOUR BIG GIRL PANTIES AND GET ON WITH THINGS!! LOL

As parents of children with special needs, it is easy sometimes to feel pain for what is 'not' happening for them, but it's so much BIGGER than our vision for our child. God has this all under control and he will do what we cannot and should not do alone.

As for the inner road rage....I think we all go through it. Your writing is soooo good, I felt it while I was reading it!! lol. Yet, I laugh because I remember a writing I read in a daily reader that said, "Don't they know MY RULES for the road?!" It makes me laugh.

Again, thanks for sharing that and your honesty and humor.


Melissa Roark

1/16/2009 1:09 AM  
Blogger Amy said...

"I'm thankful for a God that never turns to me and finally says..."We are so broke up Angie!"" -- LOVE it!

A visit to Riley definitely makes you count your blessings.

1/16/2009 1:10 AM  
Blogger IRENE said...

Oh dear! After that ordeal, I believe you'll like a glass of lemonade. It's waiting for you on The Greel Greek blog!

1/16/2009 5:18 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You really ought to consider becoming a motivational speaker. You realy have the talent. I feel as though you are talking stright to me, almost as though you know what I need to hear. I feel like you did yesterday, alot but all I have to do is look at my daughter Alicen, who cannot walk, cannot talk, heck, she can't even sit up but yet she still giggles and laughs at the drop of a hat, even the Hilshire Farms Commercial makes my baby laugh. I always say that we could really learn a lot from those with disabilities. Again, thank you for such encouragin inspiring words on the exact days that I really need them.

Christina (a preemie mom)

1/16/2009 9:58 AM  
Anonymous Rhonda Bryant said...

Dear Angie,

I wanted to share this with you and all of these WONDERFUL and AWESOME parents of special needs kiddos. It is from an email sent to Bailee from a precious lady who is 27 and has cerebral palsy. We found her blog and Bailee has been able to keep in touch with her! God is so good! I want to share the words she sent to Bailee.

"I think God only gives certain people the circumstances they have because he loves them so much and wants them to see something in life that nobody else would normally ever see! And that is us Bailee, we see a part of life other people want ever see or understand.... but in the end we all end up on heaven anyway and none of this will matter."

This meant so much to us to hear this from someone who had grown up with a disability and like I told Bailee, really knows how she feels! And Angie she took dance when she was little too! This really blessed our hearts and I wanted to share it!
We love you Mrs. Angie!!

Love,
Rhonda

1/16/2009 11:16 AM  
Blogger Rachel said...

I hope you got the answers you were seeking at Kenidi's appointment.

That picture is amazing and what a sign! Thank you so much for this post; you have no idea how many people you speak to each day and who you motivate!

Love ya girl!

1/16/2009 1:24 PM  
Blogger The Birds Nest said...

Thank you for these words!! I have gone through so much in the past several years, but the next time I'm down or sick and tired or mentally beating myself up I will come straight to this post to read it over again. I feel quite sure that you touched everyone who read this in some type of way. May God bless you for all of the inspiration that you provide to others!!

1/21/2009 2:31 AM  

Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home

AGD Blog Archives

Link to Us!

 

Copy code and paste in your blog where you would like button to be displayed.


Copyright © 2006-2008 Angelica Grace Designs | All Rights Reserved | Blog Design: Simply Creative | Graphics: PRESH Web Designs